“If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your
envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears.”
–Cesare Pavese
Cesare Pavese, Italian poet and suicide, WW II anti-fascist and member of the Communist party, dead before I was even born, speaks to me nonetheless. Being a Communist, he was probably an atheist also, but what he said, as quoted above, could just as easily have come from my 10th grade religion teacher Fr. Jerry, or one of the good Sisters who taught me from Kindergarten through high school.
Certainly that second sentence could be paraphrasing St. Paul, as he chastised the Philippians, the Romans, the especially wayward Corinthians. Paul was all about traveling light, traveling in the Light of the World. Traveling in the light of love, faith and hope. That’s what I was brought up to believe, and more importantly, to act on in my life.
Being human, it’s nigh on impossible to give up those envies, jealousies, fears. Having knowledge of the past and thoughts of the future, it’s a constant struggle to be fully present in the now, to be fully present for others, to be self-aware and yet not self-centered.
I remember my mother, with unconscious yet infinite wisdom, one day counseling me about my shyness. Yes, when I was around 13 I embraced the conceit that I was very shy. To this day I remember her telling me that being shy was ultimately being selfish, self-centered. “Why would you believe that everyone is looking at you, making judgements about you? That’s a very selfish frame of mind. Everyone has their own concerns, their own troubles, and yours are no more important in the great scheme of life than theirs. The person who can think first of others, or who at least gives freely of their attention, joy in living and their time to others is the one who can find true purpose and happiness in their life.”
Or some such–that is paraphrasing in light of my own later maturity. However, I clearly remember my shyness being very much discouraged as selfishness, and I at that formative period in my life did NOT want to be a selfish person.
Now, I may have traveled far, but I am incapable of traveling fast, and usually fail at light also. I guess that is just the result of being imperfect, so far, at throwing off all those heavy, malodorous, wearying traits so well articulated by Pavese above. But I’m conscious of those imperfections, and still striving. I just need the occasional dead Italian poet to dash that cold water in my face by way of reminder.
It took me years to figure out no one was looking,that they all had their own concerns your mother was wise. As for the rest we can just try.
Yup Carol, it took me years too–I still find myself looking around occasionally, to see who’s studying me. Surprise! No one! My mother was and is a wise woman.
What a great way of looking at shyness she had. A good lesson you learned very well.
Learned yes, though “well” may be too generous…